He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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