Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
