Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
