Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
