Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We have started to decorate penises.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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