just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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