piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
only if we run a train.
done.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Vodka?
Forever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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