my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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