I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
