Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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