Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize