I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Barsexuality is the new black.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
