hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
