you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
