You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
