Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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