so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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