Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
