when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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