Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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