the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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