Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
