Say something about gay babies.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize