Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
