I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this will be a night to untag.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
