sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
