Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
