i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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