I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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