You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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