i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i drank out of a bidet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
