Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
