I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
