Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
