Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Farmville is her only friend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
