i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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