I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
