Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
