So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
