I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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