I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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