Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
