You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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