Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
