Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
