Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
