I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
