Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This show inspires me to have sex in space
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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