so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
