but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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