I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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