My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Randomize
