i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
false alarm. still invincible.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
