how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
