Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
