Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
