when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize