No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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