I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
