At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
