I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
