u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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