Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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